Six Random Things to Know about Becoming a Mother

(Warning:  I curse a bit in this one.  If you have tender eyes, skip it)

A friend of mine posted on Facebook today the following question:

 (We) are Talking about maybe possibly bringing a baby into the world. Pros / cons: GO

The responses were much like you would expect:  no sleep, poverty, no sex life, unbelievable love and connection, hardest job you'll ever love, etc etc etc.  All very true.  But it did occur to me that there are a few things that no one ever really talks about when the idea of having a child is considered.  And while these things are completely random.... and are not necessarily "con" or "pro"...  might be nice to know.  Since I am a mom, of course, these are going to be things about being a mother.  But some do apply to the father role as well.  Or the two-mom or two-dad scenario, whatever the case may be.  So, without further ado...

Six Random Things to Know about Becoming a Mother.

1.  Your uterus might fall out. Or bladder. No, seriously.  All the ligaments can get stretched out from the pregnancy and boom!  One day you are standing in line at Target or giving a presentation at work, and suddenly it feels like you have a baseball in your panties.  And by the way... this can happen 20 years later!  Time is not your friend.

2.  Everyone says you will never sleep again.  Not true.  There may be several years where you don't get a solid night's sleep, but yes Virginia, you will sleep again.  You may suffer a little PTSD around your lack of sleep experiences, where you become obsessed with getting sleep and making sure the kid sleeps.  And you most definitely will never, never, ever take sleep for granted again.  Ever.  And "sleeping in" is getting up at 8am.  But you will sleep again, I promise.  Someday.

3.  You will fuck up.  There are no perfect parents, only shades of shitty, and you will strive to not screw up too much.  Lord knows I work hard to stay on the "tan" side.  But you will not be perfect and you will fuck up and that is just the truth.  Do the best you can, admit when you screw up, and try and learn a better way.  Oh, and avoid any and all behavior you might see on a reality TV show. 

4. Your kid will not be perfect.  You may even end up with a child who has some very significant challenges *ahem!*.  It happens.  Perfection, however, is only for storybooks and fairy tales, and frankly is boring.    There is something amazingly beautiful about seeing that little person be that little person. 

5.  It will be years before your house looks like your house again.  Mostly, it will look like a daycare threw up in it.  And you will try and have a "dedicated playroom" for all the toys and you will probably fail miserably.  Just accept that your decor' will be Fisher Price for a few years.  And your TV will not be your own.

6.  You will be changed.  Forever.  Period.  How you are changed is really up to you and your child, but have no doubt whatsoever you will not be the same person.  For me, I have become snarkier and a little bitchier.  In a good way.  The Green-Eyed Monster Mama was born and she ain't playing around.  I have also become keenly aware of what it means to "not sweat the small stuff".  With the J-man, I have gained significant perspective on what is really important, and that is something that I know I just couldn't have learned with being his mommy.  I became an adult.  Not the "pay-my-bills-have-a-job" adult ..... I already was that (no, really, I was!)... but in the "this is what real responsibility is" kind of adult.  Daunting, liberating, scary, and whole. 

I would never trade it.  Even with all the challenges.  Maybe because of the challenges...  I am more and I am better and life is sweeter. 

But just so you know:  Wine helps.