Monday, September 10, 2012

When Words Fail Me

Unrelated photo:  J-man's Art.
  I actually think it is really good
For the last two weeks I have been staring at Facebook.  Specifically, I have been staring at J-man's kindergarten group page.  This page has been designed to communicate with the other parents who have children in J-man's class.  People pass on information, ask questions, you know...  an all around get-to-know-you page.  It is not overly active, but there are quite a few parents who have joined, so it reaches a large number of his classmates' parents.

And I have been staring at it, fingers inching.

You see, I want to tell them about J-man.  I want to tell them how awesome he is.  I want to tell them about his challenges.  I want to enlist their support.  I want them to teach their children about differences, about kindness, about understanding, about friendship.  I want them to know how loved he is and how worthy he is and how he is really worth it.

And I can't write a thing.

I am afraid of screwing it up.  I am afraid of scaring people away.  I am afraid of rejection.

It seems like if I could just form the perfect words, the words that would move them to take an interest in him, then maybe I could grow a caring community for him.  Maybe he would have friends, in spite of his obvious challenges with having friends.  Maybe their children's frustrations with J-man (which are sure to come someday) might be tempered with understanding.  Maybe, just maybe...  this big, bad scary AUTISM word would not be so big, so bad, and so scary to them.  Maybe it would pave the road to acceptance.

I love words.  It is ironic, since words are such a struggle for J-man, that I love words so much.  I love to take words and paint vivid images.  Wordsmithing.  I don't know that I am terribly gifted at it... I do believe I am at least moderately amusing... but I love it and love that I can do it.  But now, words fail me.

Since when does someone get writer's block over a letter to kindergarten parents???


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