Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Last Weekend

This was our last weekend before Kindergarten.  We had a mommy & J-man weekend and went to the zoo to see dinosaurs (don't ask).

Tomorrow J-man becomes a Kindergartener.  He crosses that invisible line that moves him from young childhood into school hood, and a door to a time closes.

It is unlikely I will cry.  I am not really a crier.  Or at least, I am not a crier with these kind of "transition events".  After all, I have been dropping him off at some therapy or another for years now.  Afternoon Kindergarten for three hours is nothing in comparison to sending him for 40 hours a week of ABA.  So no, I don't think I will cry.

But I am sad.

Oh, I am anxious, excited, freaked-out, hopeful, and scared too.  All of those feelings are for J-man.

I am sad for me.

I am not ready for this stage of my parenthood to be over.  To not have J-man be my little boy.  To have a school-ager: not a baby or a toddler or a preschooler.  J-man being my one and only, I am sad.  So much of my parenthood thus far has been far-and-away from my expectations... well, of course it has... and while I have wrestled with that, I have also reached an uneasy peace with it.  It is...and has been.. what it is, with some bitter and a lot of sweet.  I will not regret a moment.

And I am not ready to leave this part behind.  This passage makes me sad.  I will never be this mother again...  I will be his school-age mother, and it will be great and good.... but I will never be a mother of a little boy again.

This was the last weekend for that.  Some bitter and some sweet.

No comments:


View My Stats