It has been a rough week. And it is only Tuesday! Ok, well, not ROUGH... but I am frustrated. Last weekend I started to try to "raise the bar" with Jonathan It started out when I took out the crayons and paper and gave him one. He will draw a little, but he also likes to chew on the crayons somewhat and will take them and run around. I didn't let him. I took them away when he started chewing on them and/or running around. The result? Temper Tantrum! I sorta expected it. He ran over to the steps, sat down and cried. And looked at me and cried. And looked to see if I was looking and cried. Little BOOGER! After about 2 minutes I got him and snuggled him. He got over it. He is such a stubborn little man. But I think he did understand. He just didn't like it! I told Dan to expect more of those...
I am trying raise my expectations. At lunch he saw the chips on the counter and pointed to them and made his grunt noise. I got the chip bag, held it between my body and my hands and did the "more" sign. I said "want MORE?" He has done the sign a few times up to this point, but not consistantly! He kinda whined and brushed his hands together... maybe by accident... so I gave him one chip. When he pointed again I did it again and he signed MORE! It was quick and sorta surly... like he really didn't want to... but he did it.... and we did this 2 more times!! I could tell he didn't want to do it.... but he did it!
So then Sunday... tried that whole scenerio over again. And I couldn't get him to sign "more" for the life of me. I did a "hand over hand" more several times, but he was actually mad that I did. It almost seems like he doesn't WANT to communicate! So frustrating. Kristin (our EI teacher) and I discussed it today. Jonathan is consistently inconsistant. Some days he does things right away... is engaged and willing.... and it seems effortless (ok, maybe not EFFORTLESS... but easier). Other days, things we KNOW he can do... he won't/can't do at all. It is so hard to tell if it is a CAN'T or a WON'T. I don't want to push too hard if he CAN'T do it (the neurons are just not working today)..... but I don't want to be too easy on him if it is a WON'T. And meanwhile I am getting exhausted!
I often tell parents who have a baby in our NICU that this journey is a marathon, not a sprint, and that it can feel like you make two steps forward and one step back. I just didn't realize that was gonna be our journey too.