The start of a new month is always a downer for me. I think that as each month passes I get more and more... sad? convinced?.... that this whole business isn't just 'a phase'. That Jonathan won't wake up a few neurons and suddenly all this will be behind us. Every week at ECFE I see the difference between my boy and the other 2 year olds, and I am sad.
I think this month is going to be a bit harder, because we are in the process of looking for new speech and OT. As such, new centers are looking to re-evaluate him themselves. We started this already on... of all days... April 1st. We took him to be evaluated for OT at the local therapy center. The OT was lovely... very warm and understanding. And Jonathan was having a bad day. Not bad-tempered.... but not very engaging. He was in wander mode. He didn't have any desire to follow directions or pay attention. To me... that day... he did look autistic. To a stranger who didn't see his good days, that is what I would have said. Not in the self-stimmy way... but in the disconnected way.... the non-engaged way.
Speech eval is coming up and now I dread it. What will be said that stabs at the heart?
We started this process a year ago in April. It looks like April is meant to be my sad month.