Choices

So, it all started with a friend getting a new job...

She leaves her job. Her job is now open. And I could get her job. A job I would probably love to have, and one in which I believe I would be well qualified for. Hmmmmmm....

And so the conversations begin. My hubby is all for the new job, if it was offered to me... "great opportunity" and all. But here is the significant rub....

It is a position during the day, and we do not have daycare for the J-man.

Now, I have loved this... the no-daycare thing. I liked the idea that WE are raising Jonathan... as flawed and freaky as we are... and that we didn't have to send him to daycare. I have nothing against daycare, actually... and at this point I am really starting to believe that it might do him a world of good....

But lets face it:

I have control issues.

And releasing my language-challenged, cute as a button, 'special needs' boy to the care of strangers??? Please. I go to every speech and OT session. EVERY ONE. Me, in the room. I am sure the therapists roll their eyes when I leave. So I have some serious control issues.

However, we are coming to a crossroads with Jonathan. I see the gains he has made this summer... and they ARE kick butt.... but we can do better. And I am starting to seriously feel like peer relationships and social situations might be enormously helpful. Plus there is the other issue: my own growth and development. Three days before my due date with the J-man I was offered a kick-butt job within the hospital. More money, status, clout (well, a little more of each). And I turned it down because in the end it was more important for me to be with my little man. I wanted to be his mommy first. I still do. But I am starting to think that he doesn't need me quite the same way. That I could let go a little and see if he might spread his wings.

Ahhh... back to control issues....

So, I have no faith that any daycare nearby can meet his needs. Except one: St David's Child Development Center. This one has seriously good potential. St. David's offers a integrated daycare/preschool program which provides services to both typically developing and special needs children. They have a Special Needs Coordinator who specifically works with the teachers to incorporate the IEPs or IFSPs into the classroom. We toured the facility and it was beautiful. GREAT gym, wonderful playground, and in the classrooms there were lovely children. Children with hearing aids, children with down syndrome, "typical" children, happy children everywhere. Plus, the school provides private speech and OT on site. The problem? It is 40 minutes away... the wrong direction. So, do I take a new... full time job... and have a nearly hour and a half commute so Jonathan can go to this school? Is that good for him? For us?

Ahhhh...

Pia