Bad Days

Like everyone, J-man has good days and bad days.

And like everyone, I have good days and I have bad days.

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Lately, my days have been on the darker side. I am not sure if it is because of the winter blahs or if the everyday grind is starting to get to me. What I know is that I feel sad a lot, I feel frustrated a lot. As J-man develops more vocalizations and some awareness of the need to communicate, he has also developed more temper tantrums, more outbursts, and more stubbornness. Ooooh, he knows how to push buttons.

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For example, today, after a series of outbursts and general crankiness from the boy, I was in the kitchen doing my least favorite chore ever (dishes) and J-man.... for reasons only he could possibly know... climbed on the table and proceeded to dump the entire package of Goldfish crackers on the floor. Now, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't that big a deal. But like an open wound that just keeps getting poked, my patience just fell apart. After what could be termed a complete parental temper tantrum, the J-man and I were both crying. We spent the next half hour making up and snuggling on the sofa.

I am just plain tired of dealing with his delays. I know that other mothers could call their 3 year old to dinner and they would come. They can get their own shoes, own coat, with requests from their mommies. J-man.... no way. Sometimes he seems deaf, and he seems to have zero desire to please me at all. Other mommies just don't have to work this hard all the time, do they?

I don't know how to redirect, regroup, refocus. I feel stretched thin as tissue paper, and more fragile.