I really love writing a monthly post for the Best of The Best folks.
However, this month, I think I have to skip out. You see, the topic is "sleep issues and the special needs child".
Ummm... J-man actually sleeps like a dream. Well, like any other four-year old, at least. The whining at bedtime is nominal. He rarely wakes up in the middle of the night, and when he does he usually goes back to sleep fairly easily. Doesn't sleep in our bed. Wakes up between 6am and 8am most days. And aside from the fights to get him in-and-out of his pajamas, we really have it quite lucky. We do stick to a fairly consistant routine, but even when things switch up (like trips to the cabin, etc)... it isn't so bad.
Of all the things we have to deal with, sleep issues really aren't one of them.
Which from what I hear is incredibly lucky.
So I think it might be best to skip out on this one.
But check them out anyway... no doubt they will have lots to say on the topic!!
Showing posts with label Best of the Best. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Best of the Best. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
In Defense of Media
This month's topic over at Best of the Best SOS for Parents is on the effect that media (TV, computers, etc) has on special needs kids. I am going to go out on a limb and say that I think the effects might be... oh, what is the word???.... oh, yeah, BAD. And I am going to guess that many of the other fabulous bloggers will either spend time writing about either how evil TV/Computers are OR how overwhelmingly guilty they feel for allowing their children to watch/play said media.
And they would be right. TV is evil. It is passive and minimally social. It is often violent. It is very repetitive, simplistic, and requires very little use of imagination. All kinds of (poorly designed) studies show that letting your kid watch TV is like feeding them lead-paint and mercury-filled tuna with a BPA-infused glass of red-dye-#2 Kool-aid spiked with vodka. I am actually surprised child-protective services isn't called. And I feel very guilty about letting J-man watch TV or play on the IPad. On the tally sheet of "how I fail as a parent", TV watching is #1 with a bullet.
So, having said that... allow me to spend just a few moments to defend media for special needs kids.
(and oh boy, does it ever need a defense!)
Letting J-man watch TV allows me to not go ape-shit insane.
Parenting a special needs kid is not for the weak. The analogy of "it is a marathon, not a sprint" comes to mind. And TV is like the porta-potty along the way... Gross, but a necessary evil. While J-man watches Little Einsteins, I get to do exciting things like dishes. Or laundry. Or pee.
The repetitive nature of TV does actually teach J-man something.
When J-man floored us with his knowledge of the alphabet, it wasn't because we didn't think he could learn it. It was because we never taught it to him. In our world, we had bigger fish to fry. So where did he learn it?? I am guessing Sesame Street. Maybe SuperWhy. Now, of course, knowing the letters and using them to create words are two entirely different things.... but hey, that is one thing off my list!
Also, watching the same shows over and over and over and over again allows J-man to hear words being used in the same context with the same reference point. The difference between TV and flashcards might only be in the entertainment value.
TV can be a medium through which we engage each other.
A few months ago, Mary Camarata from the Vanderbilt Late Talker Foundation saw our video of J-man watching Aladdin with Big Daddy:
She LOVED it, and actually used it in a lecture series about media. And yes, she thinks media is evil too. BUT, she noted that in the case of this video, we were using the context of the show to create opportunities to engage J-man, and though this engagement he went from single sounds to repeating 3-word utterances (unheard of for him at that time). Her point was that sometimes media can be used as a springboard to engagement and discussion, but that it requires an active thought by us parents to make that happen. But it can be an entry point into their world.
Other media, like the all-holy IPad, provide a ton of different cause-and-effect learning opportunities.
Shannon Des Roches Rosa from Squidalicious has numerous articles touting the benefits of the IPad for children with disabilities (like her son Leo). Check her out! What little I can add is that the IPad is huge reinforcer for J-man, and an activity that we can engage in together. Let the bribing commence!
So there you have it. A few small points of defense for media . Now you will have to excuse me, J-man and I have a date to watch Blue's Clues for the 100th time. I wonder if Steve will wear that sexy striped shirt again?
And they would be right. TV is evil. It is passive and minimally social. It is often violent. It is very repetitive, simplistic, and requires very little use of imagination. All kinds of (poorly designed) studies show that letting your kid watch TV is like feeding them lead-paint and mercury-filled tuna with a BPA-infused glass of red-dye-#2 Kool-aid spiked with vodka. I am actually surprised child-protective services isn't called. And I feel very guilty about letting J-man watch TV or play on the IPad. On the tally sheet of "how I fail as a parent", TV watching is #1 with a bullet.
So, having said that... allow me to spend just a few moments to defend media for special needs kids.
(and oh boy, does it ever need a defense!)
Letting J-man watch TV allows me to not go ape-shit insane.
Parenting a special needs kid is not for the weak. The analogy of "it is a marathon, not a sprint" comes to mind. And TV is like the porta-potty along the way... Gross, but a necessary evil. While J-man watches Little Einsteins, I get to do exciting things like dishes. Or laundry. Or pee.
The repetitive nature of TV does actually teach J-man something.
When J-man floored us with his knowledge of the alphabet, it wasn't because we didn't think he could learn it. It was because we never taught it to him. In our world, we had bigger fish to fry. So where did he learn it?? I am guessing Sesame Street. Maybe SuperWhy. Now, of course, knowing the letters and using them to create words are two entirely different things.... but hey, that is one thing off my list!
Also, watching the same shows over and over and over and over again allows J-man to hear words being used in the same context with the same reference point. The difference between TV and flashcards might only be in the entertainment value.
TV can be a medium through which we engage each other.
A few months ago, Mary Camarata from the Vanderbilt Late Talker Foundation saw our video of J-man watching Aladdin with Big Daddy:
She LOVED it, and actually used it in a lecture series about media. And yes, she thinks media is evil too. BUT, she noted that in the case of this video, we were using the context of the show to create opportunities to engage J-man, and though this engagement he went from single sounds to repeating 3-word utterances (unheard of for him at that time). Her point was that sometimes media can be used as a springboard to engagement and discussion, but that it requires an active thought by us parents to make that happen. But it can be an entry point into their world.
Other media, like the all-holy IPad, provide a ton of different cause-and-effect learning opportunities.
Shannon Des Roches Rosa from Squidalicious has numerous articles touting the benefits of the IPad for children with disabilities (like her son Leo). Check her out! What little I can add is that the IPad is huge reinforcer for J-man, and an activity that we can engage in together. Let the bribing commence!
So there you have it. A few small points of defense for media . Now you will have to excuse me, J-man and I have a date to watch Blue's Clues for the 100th time. I wonder if Steve will wear that sexy striped shirt again?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Best of the Best: Anxiety & Stress
I am once again honored to be a part of the Best of the Best series on SOS Research for Parents. This month's topic was Anxiety and Stress... which pretty much summarizes my life. Anyhoo, I thought my last three posts pretty much summed up how something as simple as a weekend away can have far-reaching consequences.
Ahhhh... but also great blog material, so there is that!
Check out the Best of the Best this month!! Wonderful writers with a lot to say!
Ahhhh... but also great blog material, so there is that!
Check out the Best of the Best this month!! Wonderful writers with a lot to say!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Naughty Notes
I was honored to be invited to participate in the S-O-S Best of the Best Blogs. The topic this month is social skills and play skills in children with invisible special needs, and I was happy to share this story. Thank you again to S-O-S for the opportunity!
The note from the preschool teacher:
... J-man was a little aggressive today with the kids... he was tackling one of the kids in fun!
Upon reading a note like this, most parents would be upset. Horrified!
Me? I was thrilled!
J-man is nearly four years old with significantly impaired language (think 2.5 standard deviations below the mean), apraxia of speech (hence huge intelligibility issues) and social skill delays. When J-man was evaluated this summer, the assessment noted : ...clinical impression is that J-man's challenges are related to his language challenges and a self-directed temperament in which maintaining a modicum of control is important.
Translation: J-man is a control freak who tends to keep to himself. Yep.
Understanding how J-man relates to his world, to people, and to communication in general has been a bit of a puzzle for us. He has always exhibited an interest in other children. He finds them funny, amusing to watch, much like TV. But his understanding of how to engage others, especially children, has always lagged far behind. He watches from the sideline, quiet and withdrawn. The tremendous language issues he deals with are only part of the problem... no doubt probably the central feature of his social deficits... but there is also this inattention to social cues, this lack of desire to engage, that exacerbates the problem.
Six months ago, if another child took J-man's toy, he would walk away.
Six months ago, if other children were running a race, he might watch. He might not.
Six months ago, if other boys were wrestling each other, rough play, tackling... he might ignore them completely.
And today, when the boys in J-man's classroom start rough play, he tries to join in. When the kids race around the playground, he races with them. When another child tries to take his toy, he defends himself. In other words, he is slowly starting to do what every other child his age does.
When a child has a significant language delay, the emphasis seems to be on building vocabulary and getting the child to respond to requests for information (i.e. answer questions) and follow directions. While this can demonstrate the 'raw' language and knowledge that a child has, I think it provides an illusion of communication ability that does not actually exist. What is lacking... and what is essential... is the ability to have engaged social conversation. Teaching a child to talk, to 'respond', is one thing.... teaching a child to become socially engaged and communicative is something entirely different.
We are trying to embrace the Communicating Partners approach, which focuses on the importance of building social communication instead of merely language. It is a slower approach, I think, dependent of a series of techniques that pull the child into paying attention to social cues, engaging in positive interactions, matching the child where they are and allowing them to build their language within the context of social relationships. Again, the basic principles are as follows:
Balance: Talk about as much as your child; wait and take turns.
Match: Talk in ways that are possible and interesting for the child.
Respond: Talk about your child’s immediate experiences and ideas.
Share control: Allow both you and the child to lead and follow equally.
Be playful: The more enjoyable you are, the more your child will talk.
What we have found by engaging J-man with these techniques is that he has become aware of us. More present. And aware of the importance of communicating with us. Don't get me wrong... he still sucks at it. And his ability to naturally engage and understand social cues, language, and rules will probably always be 'different'. But it is like he is slowly waking up. It is a beautiful thing, and a terribly fragile thing.
There is still great reason for concern. Because, while it is totally "developmentally normal" at four years old to engage in rough play with your peers, understanding the subtle social cues of when, where, and how to do this are well beyond J-man. And explaining it, also well beyond him. And the likelihood of him understanding.... well beyond. How will he develop these skills without the fundamental innate ability to develop these skills? He is at this awkward crossroads of starting to see the value of social relationships and the complete lack of language and skills to really make those relationships work.
My job is to help him. And how do I do that when I can't be there to support it? To translate his limited, awkward speech, to interpret the actions of others, and his actions to others? To guide him? That was my hopes for what the school district support would have provided, but as you all know, that is no longer an option. And so, we go on our own....
Ahhh... and there is the rub.
The note from the preschool teacher:
... J-man was a little aggressive today with the kids... he was tackling one of the kids in fun!
Upon reading a note like this, most parents would be upset. Horrified!
Me? I was thrilled!
J-man is nearly four years old with significantly impaired language (think 2.5 standard deviations below the mean), apraxia of speech (hence huge intelligibility issues) and social skill delays. When J-man was evaluated this summer, the assessment noted : ...clinical impression is that J-man's challenges are related to his language challenges and a self-directed temperament in which maintaining a modicum of control is important.
Translation: J-man is a control freak who tends to keep to himself. Yep.
Understanding how J-man relates to his world, to people, and to communication in general has been a bit of a puzzle for us. He has always exhibited an interest in other children. He finds them funny, amusing to watch, much like TV. But his understanding of how to engage others, especially children, has always lagged far behind. He watches from the sideline, quiet and withdrawn. The tremendous language issues he deals with are only part of the problem... no doubt probably the central feature of his social deficits... but there is also this inattention to social cues, this lack of desire to engage, that exacerbates the problem.
Six months ago, if another child took J-man's toy, he would walk away.
Six months ago, if other children were running a race, he might watch. He might not.
Six months ago, if other boys were wrestling each other, rough play, tackling... he might ignore them completely.
And today, when the boys in J-man's classroom start rough play, he tries to join in. When the kids race around the playground, he races with them. When another child tries to take his toy, he defends himself. In other words, he is slowly starting to do what every other child his age does.
When a child has a significant language delay, the emphasis seems to be on building vocabulary and getting the child to respond to requests for information (i.e. answer questions) and follow directions. While this can demonstrate the 'raw' language and knowledge that a child has, I think it provides an illusion of communication ability that does not actually exist. What is lacking... and what is essential... is the ability to have engaged social conversation. Teaching a child to talk, to 'respond', is one thing.... teaching a child to become socially engaged and communicative is something entirely different.
We are trying to embrace the Communicating Partners approach, which focuses on the importance of building social communication instead of merely language. It is a slower approach, I think, dependent of a series of techniques that pull the child into paying attention to social cues, engaging in positive interactions, matching the child where they are and allowing them to build their language within the context of social relationships. Again, the basic principles are as follows:
Balance: Talk about as much as your child; wait and take turns.
Match: Talk in ways that are possible and interesting for the child.
Respond: Talk about your child’s immediate experiences and ideas.
Share control: Allow both you and the child to lead and follow equally.
Be playful: The more enjoyable you are, the more your child will talk.
What we have found by engaging J-man with these techniques is that he has become aware of us. More present. And aware of the importance of communicating with us. Don't get me wrong... he still sucks at it. And his ability to naturally engage and understand social cues, language, and rules will probably always be 'different'. But it is like he is slowly waking up. It is a beautiful thing, and a terribly fragile thing.
There is still great reason for concern. Because, while it is totally "developmentally normal" at four years old to engage in rough play with your peers, understanding the subtle social cues of when, where, and how to do this are well beyond J-man. And explaining it, also well beyond him. And the likelihood of him understanding.... well beyond. How will he develop these skills without the fundamental innate ability to develop these skills? He is at this awkward crossroads of starting to see the value of social relationships and the complete lack of language and skills to really make those relationships work.
My job is to help him. And how do I do that when I can't be there to support it? To translate his limited, awkward speech, to interpret the actions of others, and his actions to others? To guide him? That was my hopes for what the school district support would have provided, but as you all know, that is no longer an option. And so, we go on our own....
Ahhh... and there is the rub.
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