A Letter to Myself and Others Like Me

You are not 'just the parent'.

It is easy to feel that way.  Like you are 'just the parent'.

In the beginning, you bought the books.  There are a lot of books.  Books about baby care, books about development.  Books about sleeping and eating and pooping.  Books about raising children.  And those books told you about normal.  About typical. You took some classes, joined some new parent groups.  You felt prepared.  Ready to take on the challenge of parenthood, to love and raise your beautiful child.  And you learned what you needed to learn.  How to change diapers, how to feed your child, how to soothe him. You were building your story together.

But then at some point you discovered you were not dealing with typical.  With 'normal'.

And the Fear and the Doubt set in.  You went out and found the experts.  Doctors, therapists, teachers, all well-educated, all professionals, and all very well meaning.  Experts.  And they are filled with Knowledge.  They know what to do.  They might suggest, imply that you don't.  That you can't, because you don't have their Knowledge.  You are 'just the parent'.   They'd take it from here.  Or maybe you feel you can't help.  The Fear and the Doubt have made you feel Powerless.

But I am here to tell you:   You are not 'just the parent'.

You are the Expert on your child!

You are!  You have been there from the beginning.  You know her smiles, his frowns, the things that bring her joy and what brings on his fear, sadness, or withdrawal.  You are keenly aware of her strengths and his challenges.  You are the keeper of her history and the foundation for his future.  You love, and because you love, you mean more to your child than any other professional can possibly mean. You must trust yourself.  Trust your instincts, that inner voice that calls to you. 

Now, you might need to read new books.  You might need to learn new skills, skills other parents don't have to learn.  You might need to parent a little differently.  Or a lot differently.  And the professionals you bring in to learn these new skills are there to serve you.  To foster your relationship.  To support you and your child, together.  The good, the very best professionals will do that. They will listen.  They will work with you.  They will hear what you have to say, and respect your opinion. You will be included. Cherish these people, because they are worth their weight in gold.

And don't let the others ... the ones to presume to know better than you... take away who you really are.

You are not 'just the parent'. 

You are the Expert on your child!

A little spooky...

My analytical side does not believe in fate. It does not believe that God micromanages our lives.  It believes that we have free will, and that events that happen in our lives that seem like fate are really just freakish coincidence.   I am rational, logical, intellectual, and not persuaded by fantastical talk.

And then, there is my other side... my secret side.  This side believes in fate, in a guiding hand of God, in Santa Clause and in the idea that "there are no accidents".

This side looks back on my life and sees some crazy acts of fate.  The way my husband and I met (long story).  The fact that I have this wealth of previous experience and education in the area of early child development and autism, which in many ways primed me to be aware of Jonathan's issues early on instead of catching it later. 

And now, another example of the crazy hand of fate.

In April, 2008, Jonathan was just starting to be evaluated.  The school district hadn't yet started to test him, speech therapy had just started to get involved, and we were waiting on an appointment at Children's Hospital.  Anxiety was high.

One night I was watching the local evening news and saw a story celebrating a "Top Teacher".  Only half watching, I keyed in when the story explained that this teacher worked closely with young children who had autism.  Obviously, given my fears at the time, this caught my attention.  I distinctly remember thinking "If needed, I wonder how we would get Jonathan in her class in the future".

Time passed, and when we expressed concerns about our first teacher, the district very kindly assigned us a new teacher, Ms Kristin. And we have been massively impressed with her ever since... her knowledge, her sensitivity, her willingness to work with us and Jonathan, her observational ability.... I could go on and on.   We sorta felt that the district must have given us their best, given the fact we bitched.

And... strangely... she felt familiar.

Today, something sparked my memory about that news story.  A little Google search later and...



Ms. Kristin is the exact same teacher. THAT is a little spooky...

Of course, they were completely right, Ms. Kristin.  You are a Top Teacher!