Thursday, June 30, 2011
Welcome to my Pity Party.
Feel free to pull up a chair. However it is BYOB (bring your own bitchin').
I have heard some people don't believe in pity parties. Well, bully for you. However, I am human and I feel the need to rage against the universe and bitch a bit. So if this ain't your cup of tea, I will not be offended. I'll just drink more wine.
And now... without further ado... a list of Things I Hate (in no particular order of hated-ness)
* I hate that when I am driving home with J-man from his new program, there is no conversation. It is a long car ride and there is no response to "what did you do today?". He can't tell me if he had fun, if he likes his teachers or other kids in the class. There is just silence. Except, of course, for the immediate request for ice cream that comes from the back.... "ie-eam! ie-eam!!". And that leads to....
* I hate that I buy ice cream for J-man every day because he asks for it. But it is the only thing he says. So I can't seem to help myself. And no doubt his future obesity will be my fault.
* I hate that every stinking thing I read about feeding my kid makes me feel even more guilty, helpless and worthless as a parent. So thanks for that, a**hats!
* I hate that J-man has such a narrow range of food interests and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. And yes, you could say that I should just not give him anything but healthy food and he will eventually eat. But you don't know J-man.... he very well might starve himself. Seriously.
* I hate that I have zero glimpse into the future for J-man. None. Not even the illusion of what the future will be for J-man. Should we save for college? No idea. Should we plan on him living with us for the rest of his life? Couldn't tell ya. Will he ever have friends? Your guess is as good as mine. Will he even care? I'm going to say yes, but can I even be sure of that? The answer is no.
* I hate that I have to fight to get J-man to even do basic crap... like brushing his teeth. Or use the toilet. Or ride a trike. Or have a friend.
* I hate that my own illusions of human goodness have been shattered. And not by Watergate, or the fact it seems like every male politician seems to have a problem keeping Mr Willy-Winky in his pants, or that Wall Street seems hell-bent on proving that they have zero ethics or morals at all. While all these things definitely erode at one's confidence in humankind, I have found myself more personally violated by the events with the school district this last year. That the people who are suppose to help don't. That I can't trust the system that I should be able to trust. That in the end we really are alone in all this.
* I hate that nothing is ever normal and it appears it never will be. And yes, normal is boring. I don't care.
* I hate that everything is just so f*&%ing hard.