Much has been on my mind this week.
We see little glimmers of progress with Jonathan everyday. The latest is his "gup gup gup" sounds. He started them the other day when I bought him some new animal toys at Target. I am not sure they mean anything... Dan seems to think he is saying "cup"... but I am not convinced. Either way, it doesn't seem to be in context of anything. Just a sound. BUT, it is 2 consonants and a vowel combined together in a word-like way. Which for him is progress.
He also is enthusastically making raspberries at the TV and at us... usually in a turn taking situation or when we watch 'Shaun the Sheep" -- the alien episode with raspberry-making aliens (for those of you not familar with the raspberry... it is that whole lip-tongue blttthhhffff sound. Come on... you know what I mean!).
However, Jonathan has embraced the terrible twos with a vengence. He has been throwing temper tantrums, pushing limits, acting deaf, and generally getting on my last nerve. I find it so hard to know what of this is language-related and what is just being two. And being Jonathan. I am also getting frustrated because I see more and more how behind he really is. When he is soooo difficult to deal with and won't or can't listen to me.... it breaks my heart and makes my head explode.
Tuesday - EEG/MRI day - is coming up quick and I am excited and scared to pieces.
Dan was in the ER most of the afternoon yesterday with a kidney stone. He'd had one before... years ago..... so he knew what it was. But nonetheless, he was in horrible pain. We all piled into my car and I brought him to the ER. But I had to leave him there because Jonathan... being Jonathan... refused to sit calmly and play. He ran, threw a temper tantrum, tried to eat the fake plants in the lobby. I had no one to call to babysit him. Grandma is an hour away. It was one of those situations where I realized we really are on our own. We have support, but not consistant and lacking serious depth. And when it comes to Jonathan, I can count on one hand the number of people I actually talk to about him. And when it comes to actually dealing with his "issues", it is really only us. Mostly me.
This blog is sometimes the only way I can get things out there. I am not sure how to talk to Dan about these things... it isn't like he is coping so well himself... so I just write it all down and send it out to the Universe. I am reading other blogs too.... it is like this community of people with the same heartbreak... but it isn't the same as having a friend in the room who gets it.