Cruising to the Cabin

Indeed, the weekend is kicking my butt.  After working a twelve-hour shift at the hospital today, I hopped in my car to cruise up to my parent's cabin.  My dad and hubby have planned a large fireworks display tomorrow, as is the custom in Wisconsin, and the whole family had already made the trek north.  So alone, I enjoyed the road trip.  It was wonderful.  I rooted around and found an old compliation CD, tossed it in the player and enjoyed the chance to be alone.  The air was warm and humid, and smelled of summer. 

Dorky as it may be, one song on the tape just made me smile.  I don't know why... it certainly isn't any kind of classic.  Anyway, I thought I would share. 



I promise, REAL posts coming soon!

Toot Toot!!!

The first BB entry and already I am shorting everyone. 

But alas, my weekend to work also means my weekend of no "me" time.  So short and sweet it shall be.

We are breaking in a new babysitter.  Mostly, she knows how to be a babysitter.  She is great, actually.  But J-man is a different egg, and we wanted her and J-man to be uber comfortable with each other before we left them on their own.  J-man has developed a new hyper-attachment to me of late.  I chalk it up a little to age, and a little to his newly developing language skills.  Either way, whenever he senses he is about to be left with someone else (not ME), I suddenly develop a 35 lbs tumor on my leg.  It is flattering and frustrating at the same time. 

Anyway, I decided that a nice way to help them get acquanted was to go to a local kiddie amusement park and have some fun with J-man and K.  And as you can see, J-man had no trouble whatsoever leaving me for her. 

Here they are, riding the train!  J-man's FAV!

Spinning on the teacups. 

Blog Blitz

This spring I took a writing class called Mother Words, and thoroughly enjoyed it.  It really challenged me to carve a bit of time out of my day to try and read or write a little something meaningful.  Writing is a craft, after all, and one that requires time and energy to improve.  While I don't have any great aspirations to write the next Oprah book club bestseller (psst...Oprah, call me..), I would like to be a little less of a hack about it.

In that spirit, I have decided to engage in a writing "blog blitz".  For the next 30 days.... yes 30 days... I will submit a new blog entry, writing about anything and everything.  Now, generally speaking, I do try and keep this blog about the J-man and his exploits.  And no doubt he will remain the central focus.  But please do forgive me if I vary off-topic and fall down the rabbit hole a little.  I might talk about politics, work, my hair, food, or whatever suits my fancy.  I will no doubt get maudlin, romantic, and a little wacky.  'Tis true, it is my nature. 

So, for the next month, forgive my antics.  Give me feedback if you will.  I do love a little banter, and comments make me think you care.  HA!  And don't worry.... I don't think I'll be quitting my "day job" anytime soon (although I am sending out applications).

Wishing Momma's Ears Worked Better

Oh, how frustrating it must be to not be understood.  Is it any wonder kids with language disorders disengage from us???

I took this video today of J-man engaging in some of his new "self talk".  He is looking at a Disney catalog.  I have found him playing, looking at books, etc, while talking to himself like this often.  My ear tries to hear if there are words in there, but often it just sounds like jargon to me. 

However, at one point he brings me the catalog and tries to show/tell me something.



Now, I had no idea what he was trying to tell me.  I thought he was referring to the bike.  But after I put down the video camera and really LOOKED at the book, I saw an ad for Wall-E's eyes (key chain I think).  He was trying to tell me Wall-E!  He pulled me to his TV room to try and tell me he wanted to watch Wall-E!  When I looked at the video I clearly heard him say it... twice.

I am trying, buddy.  Hang in there, I am trying!

Buzz and Woody: Quite a Combination

So J-man has a new obsession.  He has fallen in love with Toy Story.  Or better yet, Toy Story 2.  Buzz and Woody are his new best friends.  I got him the dolls at Target, and he loves them.  Buzz flies.  Woody rides his horse.  And his play is beautiful...  so very, very appropriate!!!

Anyway, because of his new obsession, we watch a lot of Toy Story 2.  A LOT.  I managed to catch this video of him watching it.  If you listen closely, you will hear him trying to sign along.  Honestly, this video makes me cry  (in a good way). 




Obviously, it is only the bits and pieces of words, but I am still amazed when I see him trying.  And in this case, it is purely for the joy of it.  Certainly not to please me (although it does).  And certainly not to get something.  But just because he wants to. 

That's important, people.  Very very important.

Zingo

Here is a little video of the J-man doing some 'talking'.  He is playing with his new game 'Zingo'...  bingo with a twist, I suppose.  He likes matching the pictures and making the chip machine go. 

Bottling Joy

I wish I could bottle peace. And kindness. And the delicious good experiences of life.

(Some might call that wine.)

I've had one of the hardest weeks of my work life in a long long time. Without going into details, it was fraught with anger, resentment, sadness, feelings of loss and feeling lost. It has been a week in which I question my desire to stay.  It has made me despair over my value.. or lack thereof.. to the people I work for.  It has been rock hard and painful, and I am plum wrung out.

I came home tonight to J-man in what seemed to be a caffeine-induced frenzy of activity.   I was climbed on, pulled down, over, under and around as he assaulted me with love and joy at my very presence.  For an hour he pulled me from this to that, demanding my attention, my giggles and my laughter.

And at bedtime, I rocked him as I have since he was a newborn. He nestled his head under my chin and relaxed into utter submission in my arms.  The room was pitch dark, with just the sound of our breathing and the creaking of that rocking chair to break the silence.  I absorbed the moment, trying to take it in whole.  I wished to bottle it, to keep it.  Ahh, these moments are just slipping by me faster than I can savor them...

Might I suggest you hold your babies tightly and drink in their deliciousness?

Wicked Smart

A year ago, our Developmental Pediatrician asked me a question. My response has haunted the vacant parts of my brain ever since. He asked me if I thought J-man was smart. I am not sure his motivation at the time… I would imagine he was just curious about my perception of his skills… but who knows? I never asked for clarification.

What haunts me, though, is my response. I said “I don’t know.”

I think this haunts me because, in many respects, it shows my doubt in my own son. At that time, he had no words. No language. No way for me to know. And yet… shouldn’t I have rallied? Insisted that he IS smart? Given him every benefit of the doubt?

Parenting is a minefield of mistakes.

So let me set the record straight.

J-man is wicked smart. Wicked smart.

Aside from the fact he has crazy-mad puzzle skills, visual-spatial and problem solving skills that are beyond good, and a keen ability to make his point known without saying a word, the J-man has yet again shown us that he is absorbing the world.

Tonight at the park, J-man took my hubby up to the jungle gym and proceeded, without further ado, to point to each letter of the alphabet inscribed on the wall and say each letter out loud. Except “G” and “J”. Apparently he skipped those.

Now, you need to understand. I have not made any serious point whatsoever to teach him the alphabet. Or numbers. I do label them on occasion… and he has some alphabet puzzles and magnets… and good old “Sesame Street” and “Super Why”… but it isn’t like I run flashcards at him all day. He never seemed terribly interested, and I‘ve had bigger cognitive fish to fry.

But somewhere along the way, he learned his letters. Without language to support it, he learned them. On his own. Think about that!!! And now that he is starting to use that mouth, it is coming out.

Wicked smart.

Travel'n Down to Nashville

After much hemming, hawing, a-strumming on the banjo and blowing into a jug, we've made a decision. We are a travel'n down to Nashville to see Dr Stephen Camarata of Vanderbelt University and his colleague (and probably more??? Just guessing.... the name and all), Dr Mary Camarata.

Dr Camarata is a nationally known expert in language disorders, including autistic disorders, mixed expressive and receptive language disorders, articulation issues, and other related developmental disorders. His resume is impressive, including:

• Over 30 peer-reviewed publications related to language disorders, development, and comparable issues;
• Director of Research in Communication disorders at John F Kennedy Center for Research in Human Development at Vanderbelt University
• Research evaluator/participant for the National Institutes of Health Center for Scientific Review
• Director of the Foundation for Late Talking Children

He knows his sh*t.

Recently, Dr Camarata was interviewed on CNN.

About 6 months ago I joined the Natural Late Talkers online support group to learn a little more about this "late talking" issue and to get a different perspective on what might be going on with the J-man. This group is made up largely of parents whose kids do not fit the DSM IV Autism diagnostic criteria, but yet struggle to get educators and professionals to think of their children in any other way. This is a smart group of people, who know the DSM IV very well, and are well informed about what is and is not autism. They don't want an "easier" diagnosis .... they want the right diagnosis. And the right treatment for their very unusual children.

And we fit with them.... their willingness to question, their desire for the right answer... whatever that answer may be.

A large number of these parents have consulted with the Camaratas because of their expertise in the complexities of severe language issues. They are, in many respects, the expert's experts. So we contacted the Camaratas and made an appointment to see them in July for a full evaluation. I don't know what they will say, but I guess I trust that whatever they do say will be right, be true, be accurate.

I just feel it in my gut.

So, here's to answers: good, bad or ugly.

I just wish I liked country music.

Red Flags vs Green Flags

Photo Credit to NakedPastor (really?)

It is IEP season in Special Needs Land. Families across the nation with kids with greater than average needs are putting on their big girl and big boy panties, their hip-wader boots, and diving into the swamp. Some are coming out winners, some are coming out losers, but most dread the hunt.

Attention School District People: When you focus on deficits, that is what you will see.

Attention Special Needs Parents: When the school focuses on deficits, that is how they will view your child.

Recently, I read a lovely piece written by Dr Jim McDonald called Red Flags vs Green Flags. He addresses the issue of autistic "red flags" and how they end up guiding professionals to make autism diagnoses when those diagnoses might be premature or inappropriate. What I found most compelling about his article is his urging of looking at what the child can do... green flags.... and how development works and that the addressing of those green flags is so very important. I was struck by this overarching concept: Look at what the child CAN DO. Build from the positive. Support that, and allow it to become a building place to address deficits.

Anyway, I thought it might be worthwhile to share his article with you.

___________________________________________________


Red Flags-Green Flags: Which do you follow?
By Dr Jim McDonald

Parents frequently tell me about the ‘red flags’ that professionals claim to see in their child.

‘Red flags’ are signs of autistic-like or delayed behavior---such as severe language delay, lining up cars, flicking his hands, isolating himself, not talking to others, repeating actions or communications and many more ‘suspicious’ behaviors.

Seldom do people stop and ask: Does the child show as many positive social behaviors as the ‘red flags’ that appear? The diagnosis of autism, PDD or Asperger’s is often based on these ‘red flags’ without accounting for two critical things; ‘green flags ‘ developmentally correct behavior that is not autistic-like, and recent changes showing productive social and communicative behavior. These ‘green flags” and recent changes show that for some children, autistic behavior is a developmental matter more than a long-term disorder. Some professionals seek out negative signs, focus on the obvious differences and ignore positive ones that I call “green flags.” This results in unreliable and invalid assessment and treatment.

A green flag is a behavior that shows the child is developing in skills that show he is not autistic or delayed all the time. It also suggests that he is even developing out of autistic habits. Common green flags include playing with others, initiating or responding to others’ contacts, playing functionally and not repeatedly, communicating to others more than to himself, showing more interest in people, using language socially, occasionally having reciprocal conversations, cooperating, showing empathy and many other skills that can be built into the effective social life that defines success in autism.

A global ‘green flag’ occurs when the child is showing fewer ‘red flags’ over time or when they are less autistic-like in certain environments. It is now clear that autistic behavior is not everywhere and with everyone. Autistic behavior varies as the child’s environments vary.

WHY ARE RED AND GREEN FLAGS IMPORTANT?

When a child is seen as a list of Red flags, people often attend more to negative behaviors and less to positive ones that a can be built socially. Attending to red flags can result in increasing them.

Focusing on red flags often frightens parents into a state where all they see is negative things. Red flags depress parents and a depressed parent often gives up or gives up opportunities to help the child themselves. They give professionals many tasks that only they as parents can do at home in their daily interactions. Red flags can get parents into a habit of getting rid of behaviors rather than building positive behaviors (Green flags)

Focusing on “green flags” gives parents hope and motivation based on clear evidence. “Green flags” show how the child is developing and where support is immediately needed. They give the parents a place to start to have successes. We find that when parents and professionals respond to the ‘green flags’ they get more of them. Often the most effective beginning goal for a child is to have him do more of their green flags and do them in interactions with people who are matching, balancing and responding to them. Parents will even find that there are ‘red flag” and ‘green flag” people, that is ones who their child does poorly or well with.

Discuss the “green flags’ with your family and others so everyone is supporting your child’s progress rather than focusing on his problems. Use the red flag-green flag approach in your IEP plans with the school. Specify the value of including green flags in the goals so the child has some success to encourage him through the difficult goals.

The Sweetest Moments

This video will either break or warm your heart. Possibly both. I cried and loved it at the same time.

Q&A from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

I hope you loved it. I hope you share it with others.

On Why I Drink Alone

What no one ever tells you about raising a kiddo with more than average needs could fill the entire book... or two. But one thing I noticed that snuck up on me... surprised me a little bit more than normal... was how I lost friends.

They didn't go missing. They just seemed to fade away.

Not all of my friends, to be sure. Indeed, I can honestly say a few of my friendships got stronger, more real. But suddenly I look around and notice we are not asked on playdates. I don't get called for happy hour, or movie night, or lunch. Co-workers and friends are always "happy to see me", and love to chat it up when they do, but the phone is silent.

In many respects this happens to every new parent. Those without children go along in their childless world, not needing to worry about 2am feedings and temper tantrums and babysitters. And you slowly gravitate to other parents with same age children. You are in the same space as them... the diapers and the strollers and the potty training. You are reading the same books, learning the same things, going to the same places. Those friendships now work for you.

But somewhere in J-man's second year, between assessments and therapy and work and home and coping, the phone stopped ringing. The invites dried up. People pulled away. Or, maybe I pulled away. Coping with the onslaught of issues and dealing with the craziness of that life was enough for me. I probably stopped accepting invitations. I probably sent out signals that we're not open for business. Seeing other kids developing on-schedule hurt. Hearing stories about what their kids were doing and how normal their lives were hurt. Even today, I imagine I would still be hard pressed to bring the J-man just anywhere. He is like a 16 month old in a 3 year old body..... doesn't follow directions... does what he likes, when he likes. There is no casual "hey let's hang out and the kids can play on their own". He doesn't operate like that. And most people don't get that....

And of course I wonder... are we rejected? Do they not call, not ask, because we are not wanted? Don't get me wrong. I get it. I mean, people's lives are complicated and full. On those days and times when you are getting together with friends, you want it nice. Fun. Friendly. You don't need issues. You don't want problems. You want it easy, seamless. And lets face it: We are neither easy nor seamless. So I get it.

Still, it can be hard to swallow... this new normal.

Ice Cream Monster

Your love is better than ice cream
Better than anything else that I’ve tried

And your love is better than ice cream

Everyone here knows how to fight

-Sarah McLachlan

I have created an Ice Cream Monster.

It started out so simply. Find something motivating and encourage language through that. Reward communication attempts by giving him what he asks for. Keep it simple, keep it natural, keep it real. So when J-man showed his love of ice cream cones, and his willingness to try to talk for said cones, I thought "hey, how could this be bad?"

Can I blame a severe speech delay for my son's future obesity? And possible rickets?

It's ice cream in the morning.

It's ice cream in the evening.

It's ice cream all night long.

For example, last night's journey from the living room to the kitchen. After bath, J-man got excited: Ice cream awaits! He drug me off to the kitchen, pulled my hand to the light switch and said 'liii". On goes the light, and off we go to the fridge. Hand placed on fridge and the request came, unbidden: "Iiiieee Eeem".

"Ice cream cone? " I asked.

A scream of joy erupts from his little body.

And the little tiny cone is made (Note: we have these teeny-tiny cones, which results in a little scoop of ice cream. We are trying to avoid massive amounts of ice cream. Trying...)

And we go through this crazy play over and over again.

By Cone #4, I decide enough is enough. No more "Iiiieee Eeemm", I say. J-man shakes his head, yells, takes my hand over and over and places in on the fridge.

"No," I shake my head sadly, "All done Ice Cream".

J-man yells louder, grabs my hand and makes my fingers curl into a fist. He then takes my hand and shoves it into my face, moving it back and forth.

He is making me do the sign for ice cream.

Clever bugger.

Yeah, he got another one. No doubt massive tooth decay and Husky jeans are in our future.

.

IEP Alert Level: Low

We had another IEP meeting last week.

What is it about these meetings that freak me out so much? 

Allow me to catch you up to speed on where we are in the whole world of IEP.  J-man is getting his speech and special-ed teacher time at his wonderful child care center, J&J.  His J&J teacher also works with him within the classroom and has been involved with implementing his IEP.  We go two days a week, and so far he is doing well.  Come summer, he will get three observational sessions with the District representative (a teacher?  a speech therapist?  who knows.... apparently they don't know either... *sigh*).  The purpose will be to check in on how he is doing and what recommendations those staff can make to deal with issues or concerns that may come up over the summer months.

And that was what the meeting was about:  Summer plans. 

The transition from our Birth to Three staff to our current staff has been a bit of a struggle...for both J-man and myself.  Of course, Kristin was outstanding.  But it is also that the new folks just don't know him... and me... very well.  And I worry that they look at him with a "glass is half empty" kind of look... read him in the worst possible way, the worst possible light.  I am not saying they do, just that I worry they do.  So the other purpose of this meeting was to do a little "now that you have worked with him a little, thoughts?" kind of meeting. 

So, we started out the meeting with one missing:  The Special Ed teacher.  Doesn't bode well, does it?  But we go on with our Speech therapist, the J&J staff, and us.  We went through the goals and where he current stands (informally).  It was good... our speech therapist had just had a really good session with the J-man (he has been slow to warm up with her) and was able to get some good information from our J&J teacher about other things she has been working on.  I think she was surprised at how much he is doing.... because he rarely does it for her.  I chalk that up to the time of day and her being new.... he just isn't a morning person, and doesn't give it up easy.  He makes you work for it....

It was also wonderful to hear what he is doing in the classroom, and how much his J&J teacher appears to love him.  She glowed when she related stories, and I never got the sense that she was overwhelmed or lost when it came to working with him. The J&J staff also related their summer plans... they are changing the configuration of their room to accommodate a lower teacher-student ratio.  J-man keeps his favorite teacher, but now it will be only 1 to 7 versus 1 to 10.  Color me THRILLED!!!

We discussed goals for summer, and then move to the fall.  And then she dropped the bomb...  she had placed J-man on the list for the school district preschool for the fall.  Even though she knew... and admitted she knew... that we planned to continue at J&J.  Lucky for her, Daddy had already left the room with J-man.... he might have come unglued.  She (hastily) made her case:  if he got into one of the classes with a specific teacher she knows and thinks very highly of, it would be wonderful and we should go for it.. she said "Kristin-like" wonderful.

So GEMM stayed in check and I listened. 

She said he didn't know what class he would get into, because that is based on busing....

"Hold up,' I said, "No Bus."

"Oh, well you could drive him, but he would probably love the bus." She stated.

"No bus. Period" I said.

Are they on crack???

So basically I am in a bit of a holding pattern.  We are thinking about it.

Now, before you start screaming at your screen "What about J&J?!?!?!".   We won't leave them....  this would be an add on.  He loves J&J and I love J&J and that is that. 

Good meeting.  Confusing meeting.  Not sure what to do next meeting. 

Lucky for me I have some time to decide.

Ooooooh Mommy!

Last year, J-man couldn't say "mom".

This year, he can.

So it was a good Mother's Day.

Pride (In the Name of Love)

Pride.  Get it??

We had a big event at our house tonight.

BIG.

J-man pooped on the potty chair.  Now, I need to explain:  he was fully clothed, with a diaper on, when this momentous event occurred.  Also, I have no idea if he really knew what he was doing.... I mean, did he know that he was pooping while on the potty?  Or was it an 'accidental poop'?  No idea.

But here is the kicker...and for me.....the REAL BIG EVENT for the night. You see, I missed this big event, but walked in the house about 30 seconds later to Daddy and J-man at the door, big giggly smiles on their faces and the aroma of the event in the air.  Daddy revealed the excitement, and J-man was giggly, shyly looking at me.  Of course, I was super excited and lavished all kinds of praise.

And J-man looked PROUD.

I have seen J-man look proud and self-satisfied, like when he finishes a puzzle or some kind of hard task.  But I have often felt that he could care less about pleasing me.  I mean, he doesn't like it when I am unhappy, but never seemed to work for my approval.  And tonight, for the first time I can really remember, J-man seemed happy and proud that I was pleased with him.

BIG.


.

Defiance, thy name is J-man

Markers + J-man = The Joker

"They" talk about the Terrible Two's.

What the heck do "they" know?

A little story.

J-man has decided, for reasons known only to him, that he doesn't want to get dressed.  Or undressed.  It doesn't seem to be a clothing choice, or some sort of sensory thing. It feels more like a mental 'middle finger' at me....  Mom, I don't want to do what you want me to do...  if you get my meaning. 

So the other day I decided that it was no longer gonna be a wrestling match to get him dressed in the morning.  He was going to participate, by golly!  After a fairly routine chase around the living room, dining room, kitchen and office, I had him cornered. 

"Pants on", I said directly.

"Whiiiiinnnnneee", J-man responds.

"Pants on! Foot in!", I insist.

"Nonononononono", insists J-man

And round and round and round we went for the next 20 minutes or so.  And finally, exhausted and completely willing to admit I suck at being a parent, I wrestle the pants on him.  J-man proceeds to throw a fit on the floor while I leave the room and do some deep breathing in the kitchen. 

About three minutes later, J-man comes into the kitchen.  He looks directly at me, yells, and takes his pants off.  Defiantly!  I sit on the floor, exasperated, and say/sign to him "Mommy is MAD".  I give him my most angry mom look at turn my face away.  He leans his head on my shoulder and pats it gently. He tries to pull my face back into his view. His eyes gaze up at me with this look of "let's make up, mom".  He tries to wriggle into my arms so he can give me a hug and a snuggle.  And of course, because I have a noodle-spine, I allow it!

And he is still pants-less.

Oh lord, give me strength to deal with this boy.  I clearly have no idea what I am doing.

In memorial

This was sent to me today. It makes me overwhelmingly sad... there were few leaders who were willing to really advocate for accurate diagnoses of children and family centered, appropriate care. Dr Greenspan will be missed.

It is with great sorrow that we share with you the news that Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D. died on April 27, 2010. Dr. Greenspan was the Founder and Chairman of the Interdisciplinary Council on Developmental and Learning Disorders (ICDL), founding member and past board president of Zero To Three: National Center for Infants,Toddlers, and Families and former director of the National Institute of Mental Health’s Clinical Infant Developmental Program and Mental Health Study Center. As the world's foremost authority on clinical work with infants and young children with developmental and emotional problems, his work continues to guide parents, professionals and researchers all over the world.

Memorial contributions may be made to the Stanley Greenspan Memorial Scholarship fund, established by the Greenspan family to support future leaders in the field of infant mental health and developmental disorders, currently enrolled or applying to the ICDL Graduate School. Applications for this scholarship will be made available online soon.

I Do Haiku

Apparently, I do Haiku.

I won!!!

Ok, so I woke up a wee-bit crabby and under the weather.  I did the typical morning routine with the quickie glance at Facebook and email, and there it was...  the link to the Mother Words blog.  A winner had been chosen.  And it was ME!!!

My frown went upside down.

Funny how something so small and silly can just brighten your day, ehe?

A Quickie

Showing off his Saturday morning puzzle skills

The J-man was sitting in bed with us watching Veggie Tales. Now, we used to watch the Veggies regularly, but stopped a while back because they "lost their luster" for the J-man. But today, in an effort to get another 15 minutes of oh-so-precious-Saturday-morning-sleep, I popped in Lyle the Kindly Viking, and hoped for the best. And as the strands of music for the opening number of Lyle started (it is a musical Veggies, for those uninitiated), Jonathan started to sing. Not every word, not by a long shot, but first one word.... then another... and then anticipating the next word, another. By the third word my hubby and I were awake and looking at each other with shocked awe.

So much for sleeping in this Saturday!

The One Where I Ramble About Stuff I Don't Know Anything About

Confession: I am now going to talk about something I know very little about.

Homeschooling.

In fact, I can sum up what I know about homeschooling by referring you to the TLC show "19 Kids and Counting" with the famous Duggar family. That's it.

I have always been a huge champion of Public Schooling. I, myself, am a fine product of the public schools. And my family and my husband and his family. I have never been a huge fan of private schools. When I lived in Virginia it always just felt like another way to segregate, because only people with money can go to private schools. Don't have to hang out with the riff-raff poor, and certainly don't have to pass bills to pay for that public school funding. I don't know, it just always bugged me a little. Religious schools were a little different. I could get how a family might want to immerse their child in a religious education. But, again, I have always believed that educating children in an atmosphere accepting of differences and tolerance was a good thing, and again... the whole segregation thing.... well, private school just never was my thing.

And Homeschooling? Well, that was what people who were too paranoid to go to private school did. It seemed really really fringe.

Until recently....

I am a member of multiple special-needs child message boards and websites. And regardless of whether the children have autism, learning disabilities, speech delays, or other significant medical and developmental needs, I have noticed one consistent trend....many of them are homeschooling their children.

I mean, A LOT!

Based on the stories I read, it is largely due to an overwhelming sense of frustration with the school systems, especially related to getting appropriate services for their child. There is this general sense of acknowledgement by these parents that the school either:

A) are not up to the task, or
B) don't care about their child's needs or even understand them, or
C) won't listen to and partner with parents, or
D) all of the above.

So they pull their children out, teach themselves to be teachers, and take on schooling at home. And although I am still a fan of the public school system, and although I believe they can be great, I sorta get these parents.

I guess you can only fight so many fights before you can't fight those fights anymore.

What I wonder is this: Do school districts care that these families have so little faith in them that they choose to do it themselves? Do the administrators worry? Do they reflect at all on what their mission is and how they have lost the faith of these families? Or do they chalk it up to "crazy parents"?

I don't know, but it worries me. There is a lot that is wrong with the educational system, and people WAY smarter than me can discuss it ad nausem. But I want to believe that at its core it is still good. And slowly, my faith is being tested.

Do You Haiku?

So, as you know, I have been taking an online writing course called Mother Words. It has been great, if a little challenging. But what a fun experience! Anyway, Kate (my bomb-diggity teacher) is having a Haiku contest on her website. The Theme is "what no one told you", and the prize is a $10 gift certificate for Amazon.com.

Now, for those of you who don't Haiku, it is a three lined poem with lines of 5-7-5 syllables. Here is my submission (and my first ever Haiku):

My heart left my chest
In tiny jeans and t-shirt
Walks around, exposed

I submitted another one as well, but you will have to go over to Mother Words to see that one.

So, do you Haiku? If so, you have until Friday to submit your own. Or just cheer for me!

Oh, and two big thumbs up on her class. If you have any desire to write, it is well worth your time, mommas!

New Website!!!

Hi all!

Just wanted to let you know we have a new website:  http://www.thecrackandthelight.com/  

I believe that the old site will redirect you to this site for a while, but then it will go away (in about a month).  So if you have us in your favorites, change it!  And keep coming back!!!  We love our friends!

Pia

On Why Twinkle Twinkle Is Such a Big Deal.

A blast from the past: J-man at a year.

Before J-man's first birthday, I was farting around on the Internet and I came upon a video via YouTube. I can't remember the context exactly, except it was a baby about Jonathan's age, sitting in a high chair with his mother in front of him. It was like one of those America's Funniest Home Videos. Anyway, in the video, this little girl was vocalizing the song Twinkle Twinkle with her mommy, her little hands in the air fluttering like twinkly stars. She wasn't singing exactly... a word or two maybe... but she followed the pitch with her voice. And those hands followed along, so twinkly.

It was that day I really felt something was wrong with the J-man.

It was an ugly day.

Not only had he never done anything like that, he had no interest. And lemme tell you, that day I tried. It was then that I really realized something was amiss. Now, one could say I jumped the gun. Not even one year old. But I think when a mother feels something is off, she is probably right.

And you know our story up to now....

So now, when J-man flutters his hands like twinkly stars to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle, it feels like magic. Like a blessing. Like I can breathe.

What is a Kiss Storm?

No, not the Kiss

Actually, closer to this Kiss:

(I wish I could take a picture of J-man doing this!)

 

So, another good day in orbit of my J-man.  After his bath and jammies, we were hanging out in the bedroom watching Goodnight Moon & Other Tales (another wicked HBO kids show).  He decided in the middle of it to give me a kiss.... or as he says, 'tiss'.  And another.  And another.  I lost count at eight.  He grabbed my cheeks and planted wet one after wet one.  He would pause, say 'tiss', sign kiss, and then plant another one on my pucker. 

He learned this from me.  I often barrage him with kiss storms, covering his little cheeks with kisses.  I knew it would payoff eventually.

Discoveries

Despite some of the frustrations, disappointments, and worries, there is something about being J-man's mom that is absolutely wonderful.  As his mom, I don't... I cannot.... ignore the small moments of wonder, or newness. Of discovery.  Those moments just appear like magic and they have such strange purpose and beauty. 

J-man learned to flush the toilet yesterday.  He tried to put the shampoo bottle down the toilet, but Daddy caught him... with this sly look on his face.

J-man learned to get in and out of the tub yesterday.  He crawled in and out, over and over.  He streaked through the house, his little bum wiggling wiggling wiggling as he was giggling giggling giggling. 

J-man did not want to put his jammie shirt on, so he took it off and (not knowing I was watching) hid it in my drawer.  When I questioned him as to the location of his shirt, he sneaked a look over at the drawer, grinned, and ran away.

And last night, as I sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" while flickering the lights on and off, he raised his hands up and fluttered them like little stars and used his voice to "sing along".  For the first time.

Small moments that might get forgotten (or not even noticed) by others.

But not me.

Saturdays are for Swingers

Do you remember the freedom of just swinging?

It is truly the essence of being a kid. 

Angry. So very very ANGRY

It has been a while since GEMM has been out, fiery head and all.

But congratulations to Family Speech & Therapy Services in Andover, MN. You have managed to wake her up and piss her off. Me too. My husband too.

For those of you who don't recall our previous issues with Family Speech, you can refresh your memory here and here.

And so, we thought that chapter was closed?

Oh no, think again!

Today, we got a bill for $90. For 2 days missed at the end of December during J-man's period of green-snot sinus infection (it is now APRIL). It was this illness, and subsequent inability to reschedule appointments with any ease, that led us to quit Family Speech. Now, I had discussed the issue of the first day with the Director and she had agreed to "let us slide". The second day we did manage to reschedule one day with the OT, but the speech options were lean (given the holidays) and the fact there were only 2 days in a week we could make up the sessions (they are not even open on Fridays). AND J-man already had preschool those 2 days, which meant there was only a few hours in the evening that we could schedule. No openings, however. The ABSURD nature of this policy led us to quit Family Speech in Andover. Their business is NOT family-friendly at all.

ANGRY. So very very very ANGRY.

So let me make this clear, Family Speech in Andover. We are not going to pay. EVER. And I am going to make it my mission to let everyone I know about your absurd policy. I will also make it a point to let them know the multitude of OTHER LOCAL AGENCIES they can go to get speech and OT services that do NOT have a crazy-ass policy and completely non-family-friendly business model.

Here is the list I have complied so far:

1) Associated Speech in Arden Hills, MN (our new speech home... and he makes progress here!)

2) Kid Abilities in Shoreview, MN

3) St David's Child Development in New Hope and Minnetonka, MN

4) Kenny Kids in Coon Rapids, MN

5) Children's Therapy Services in Maple Grove, MN

This is only 5 of the multitude of other places.

Give these places your business. Or others who are reasonable, who care about families.

And Family Speech, if you don't think word of mouth matters, think again.

Puzzle Man

Our camera has this video function that I never was able to figure out. 

But I think I got it now.

So here is a video of the J-man finishing up a new puzzle.  It is a 48 piece SpongeBob SquarePants puzzle.  Note the "tongue of pride" that comes out at the end. 

Yeah, be impressed. 

A Little Curious

We have HBO.

I know, I know. No one needs HBO. Unless you are addicted to True Blood or The Pacific.

We got HBO when we moved because it came free as a part of the introductory cable package, and sometime this summer it might be time to let it go. But in the meantime it feeds my hubby's True Blood addiction.

Ok, so on HBO there is this show called "A Little Curious". Here is the description from the HBO website:

"A Little Curious" is a fast-paced mix of animation and live-action vignettes, focusing on three concepts to be treated in many different ways, exploring the different possible meanings of these concepts. For example, in one edition titled "Loud, Soft, Shake," the concept "soft" could mean a comfy blanket, a gentle whisper -- or an old sofie like "Doris the Door" fondly remembering her childhood on a stoop in Brooklyn. "A Little Curious" allows preschoolers to explore the humor and delight in all the meanings of these concepts, broadening their vocabulary and deepening their understanding of the world around them.

J-man loves this show. The music is jazzy, the action fun, lots of singing and general silliness. He loves it.

We have a few episodes recorded, and my hubby called me at work to tell me this story. Apparently, they were snuggling on the sofa watching one episode in which the concept word was "Tight". In one scene, Mop is tucking Bob the Ball, Little Cup, and the Shoe Girls into bed. ( I didn't say the show made sense ) As she is tucking them in, she tucks each one "tight tight tight". At the moment, J-man grabs my hubby's arm and wraps it around him, saying "tigh, tigh tigh".

Awwww.... cute right?

Oh it gets better. About an hour later, at bedtime, my hubby is laying the J-man down. J-man pulls on his hand to bring him down and says "tiss" (kiss). Daddy gives him his kiss. And then he pulls him down again and says "tigh, tigh, tigh".

He wanted him to tuck him in!!!!

Tight Tight Tight!!

I know!!!! To take that concept, keep it in his brain, say the words, and use it in context!!!! After only one viewing.

God, I just love him.